rc's Journal

8:41am: We live in such a digital world... where our emotions seep through the letters on these keyboards
where our first hellos to each other are typed... and not said...

so... err...

HELLO

12:58pm: Drink me rum
I had my last day at Starbucks on Saturday, and felt somewhat indifferent leaving the place. I guess because of my crazy schedule, I’m use to not having Starbucks as a part of my week anymore. Will I ever go back? I liked it there, but it seems like its time for a step up. Working at Starbucks feels like working at McDonalds, except it’s less greasy. That’s a bit of a metaphor I guess, since I’ve never worked at McD’s. But basically it’s the same baby step of jobs that most of us go through. Maybe I’ll feel the blow when my wallet turns empty and my weekends turn into nothing but gaming fests.

The main event was Sunday, my brother’s birthday party. I had bought him a jacket from the Sony Studio lot. I was never a shopping type of guy. He is though. I wasn’t even sure what size he wears when I purchased the gift. Anyway, BBQ, friends, friends’ friends, basketball… everything and everyone was wonderful. I really loved seeing all those faces again. It really does remind me of how much I have missed in the past couple of months. We were finally able to run 2 TV’s for 8 player Halo eh? I hope I played an ok host…
Basketball was great, too. It has been a while when all the guys would get together and play ball like that. Actually organized a 3 on 3 tournament. My team won, of course *smirk* Hey I wasn’t in charge of setting up the teams! I’m just glad that my injured ankle didn’t hold me back.

Monday, we had planned to watch Pirates 3 that evening. Even though I had plans to watch it with other friends this coming Saturday, I couldn’t pass up the chance to hang out with all the guys again. Randy loves mint chocolate ice cream flavor I found out… he gets a 7-dollar shake from Baskin Robbins… often I think. Anyway, I thought Pirates 3 was a pretty entertaining movie. There isn’t really a new compelling story, but just being able to see Jack and… well Jack… and all his humor was a blast.

I woke up late this morning, got away with returning equipment late, escaped a cancellation fee, got lost on the way to work, decided I need a hair cut, wore a hat.

God, I’m lacking sleep…

11:34am: Ticking Clock
Yesterday I was invited to attend a party for Sony. It is a tribute to a new animated movie called Surf’s Up. I didn’t expect much, in fact, I thought I was barely going to stay there for an hour or so just to visit.

I got to the Santa Monica Pier at around 8:30. Walked up the pier and I found the once familiar park entrance was replaced by an exotic gate. I showed them the pass that was given to me by my supervisor, so instead of being a guest that gets checked in, I waltzed in as a staff of Sony Pictures. Greeted by pretty girls in Hawaiian skirts and … skimpy tops I walked into a massive what seemed like an outdoor club.

There were food bars in all four corners serving grand dishes such as salmon and shrimp cocktails. One of the most wonderful surprises were the sweet potato fries dipped in garlic cream. Snack bar was full of smoothie shots and puddings and pastries of great variety. There were couches and comfort seats and tables all in between, while a huge projected screen was showing previews and photos of the premiered movie.

I walked around many times trying to find familiar faces. I bumped into Ryan who I worked with many times, he immediately questioned the lack of alcohol in me. I assured him I will have some. Then made my way to the bar. I honestly didn’t know what to order, ended up with a mai tai though. More shrimp cocktails… mmmmm

Then I wandered around for a bit giving each passing person a nod and a smile. I ended up in the pacific park area of the pier. Imagine a carnival with games of basketball, ball toss, ring toss, water guns, and rock climbing. You know those things that people spend money and risk making a fool of themselves to win small stuffed animals that you can get for 5 bucks at walmart. Anyway… all the games were FREE! I almost feel bad taking prizes after a gazillion tries on each game. I definitely went home packing…

I always remember thinking that the people at Sony are going to be very intimidating and … some snobby. But watching them going nuts over tossing bean bags and cheering and the most mindless things, and of course working along side them, was an amazing experience. Everyone thus far have been extremely nice, and helpful.

Being at that party gave me a taste of what living the high life is like. I ended up staying til almost 11. I hope I have more chances in the future to attend more events like these.

It’s a big week for us at Sony Pictures. LA Screenings is happening. I will be guiding people from Europe, Asia, Latin America etc around the Sony lot. I’ve seen some great shows and movie trailers here. Hmmm

That’s about it. I was overwhelmed…

10:16am: The Mix
As the quarter and my educational career draws to an end, i cant help but feel a bit anxious...
Not sure if its the fact that i have such a short amount of time left to wrap all the projects/grades up
or the fact that i basically dont know where i'm going after graduation that stresses me out.
I got a call from the school a couple of days back. they asked me if i would consider staying for further classes and such. I almost wanted to say yes just to hide in the comfort of familiarity; even though i have been feeling that i have had enough schooling as is. Time to move on...

Currently in the Sony office. There is an LA Screenings next week, i'm going to be working one of the registration tables i think... among other things. Time to shake some hands...

The atmosphere is pretty different in here, the air feels dense, i suppose everyone is under the pressure of organizing and getting things done for next week. Everyone except for me... i'm just sitting here typing away while waiting for some task to pop up. Time to day dream...

Michigan was fun, even though i'm a bit surprised by how different the place felt. I really havent felt that far away from home for a while. It's a nice feeling. If there's one thing i learned on this trip, it is that watching Food Network late at night is always a mistake. Especially when everything around you is closed. This is what i love about Hacienda Heights, just around my house there are about five places i can think of that opens past 12:30, and three of those are operating 24 hours a day. Anyway, it was a fun, relaxing trip. Time to return...

I actually read a whole novel. It was a short novel, but it lasted me for the total of 8 hour plane ride, round trip. I never liked reading much. Agatha Christi, mystery novel, The ABC Murders. I found out about her through the interviews i transcribed here at Sony, then i heard about that particular title in a japanese manga. Time to define...

All in all, life has been good. My injury on my ankle had made life simple for the past couple of weeks. Not being able to go to the gym sucks, but yesterday i was able to shoot around a basketball. When it first happened i thought it was just like a typical sprain, but apparently it was worse than all the other times that i hurt myself in the past. I never had this much trouble. I hope i'm just not getting old... Time to heal...

Time to conclude...

1:01pm: I wish it was still raining
Driving on the freeway always make me think of random stuff.

I have to say; I’ve learned more vocabulary from actors and producers in the past two weeks than I did my whole college career…

I realized something today on westbound 10
I go through that route 4 times a week, if not more. 35-40 minute drive one way, back and forth every day of the week cept Fridays… The most discouraging element of school is the trip towards it.

Anyway, I started to think about up coming birthdays… and I thought about how old I am and how so many times I was questioned when I was going to graduate.
At the end of this quarter, through interns and portfolios, I’d be done with the school system. At least, that’s the plan anyway.

Graduating seems like such a far-fetched idea. For all the years of my life, minus the first few, I’ve been in school, and pretty much defined by it. In Elementary and Junior High it was simply about learning everything and accelerate and perform above expectations. My grades were great back then. Haha…

High School is the time where we thought that we’ve learned enough and its time to start living that whole comedy/drama/horror teenage mix.

To be honest, I can’t really grasp what I’m going to do after graduating…
I am scared/anxious/confused/excited/hopeful…

I guess the point is, I have just stepped into the part of life that only belonged in my imagination years and years ago. The whole “What do you want to be when you grow up?” deal… Here I am.

I also realized… I haven’t made a real birthday wish in many years… When did I stop believing in that?

hmmmm

5:46am: Moods
I love movies... i really do
I hate when things dont get finished... i really do

I watched 3 ... incomplete movies today...

Bootleg CD's from China... the first 2
Broke down on me after i watch 75% of it...
I felt cheated
Felt like i wasted my time with both of them... back to back... i dont know how it ends and may never know...

Not to surrender, i picked up a DVD that my brother bought. Popped it into a playstation...
stopped playing at 50%....

am i just cursed?

6:12pm: Favoritism
Funny how we often like to put ourselves in situations of dramatic outcomes
Yes
Drama
It drives us, it interests us, it hurts us.

What am i suppose to say to that sort of thing?
Its been so long and all of the sudden... i have to pick it up again
Maybe its just the sudden rush of dramatic possibilities that kept my attention
The chase is full of drama, thus, the best part.

I went grocery shopping today, the first time in a long time. No rush in, get 1 item and get out. But REAL grocery shopping. Surprisingly, i realized it was the only time i had to myself to think things through. It puts me at a peace of mind. Strange i know. But i thought a lot about her.

though she is now gone, she isnt forgotten. The past shouldnt be forgotten, instead i do cherish the short amount of time that i got to know her. she was fragile, she was sweet.

why is it so hard to say "i love you" to a friend?

12:01am: good bye
I was about to go to sleep
when my brother came home with the bad news...
i lost a friend today
i didnt know her for a very long time
but even the first time we met... she was generous with hugs
i dont know what to think or say right now...
i want to cry but i ...

1:59pm: Confession
I have the whole next week off until school starts up again. I want to go back there and really focus on working hard. I know I can. All the teachers in that room believed in me. It was a sad moment yet a touching one. I was so overwhelmed by the expectations they have in their eyes, I stared at each of them intently… Yet so… sad that I didn’t put in good work.

I knew I passed judgment not because of my work, but because of my credits with these teachers in the pass. They kept saying “because I’ve worked with you” or “because I’ve seen your work.” I know the project blew, and I knew that when I walked into that room, I was almost relieved that I knew 6 out of 7 of them. It was totally a bias result… It was a blessing… I lucked out… again…

Sometimes I wonder, actually I know… that I’m the person that people love to hate. Jason always did say “damn you and your luck.”
And I am lucky… I mean I try to make the best of any situation, make myself the best in everything I do. I end up making so many friends and friends in the right places that I almost become… untouchable…
Even back in high school, I became friends with, this is silly, 2 gang leaders…and I met them without knowing that they were… and I was never bothered… while other students back down when they pass by… I shook their hands…
Even in this game… where the officers would remove me any chance they could… I end up being the closest thing they have to every single one of their members…
I play video games all day… then walk home with A’s and B’s…
1330 on my SATs without ever studying for it… (mind you this was out of 1600)
I walk up and got jobs offered to me… when others have to go far out and look…
What seems logical to me in studio class… sounds like foreign language to the rest of them… And I feel like I cant just sit there while the teacher is waiting for SOMEONE to answer… Setting the curve for every single test we took this quarter…

I know I’m being watched… As Sparkle said “let me sit next to you during the test okay?” I knew she meant “Overacheiver, why do you know so damn much?”

I wonder… if people find my encouragement as mockery
If people see my humility as pretend
If people see my exclamations as boast
If people feel my gain as their loss…

I get scared

Lonely sometimes…
This is not an entry to brag… but a confession
Of what I fear

7:23pm: Feels like a long hello
I recently lost a friend...
Not through death
I told myself its not separation but... departure
But it bothers me a lot more than i thought it did.
And it bothers me a lot more than i have told people.

The guilt eats me up from inside

I will be away this whole weekend

I wont be in touch

I hope she's okay

I hope she remembers that her life means a lot, to someone far away too.

to me

11:50am: Working
Got a job at starbucks. Started yesterday.
Had to learn how to make all sorts of cold beverages on the first day. =D
I havent been working in a while and spending some time doing something productive really made me feel good.

Been thinking about getting out more and live a little more. There are quite a few people on my list to visit.
One step at a time i guess... Finals are just around the corner.
It seems that it had been a strange summer for many of us, myself included.
I've gotten to know some people more than i had ever imagined i would. I've fallen and got back up. I dealt with many dramas, emotions, and internal conflicts.

It had been a long summer...

And now everyone is on the verge of getting back into study mode... Did i mention i didnt have a summer vacation? school never stopped.

Quote:
It isnt separation, but departure. It isnt the end, but only the beginning. One day we all have to go our own separate way. Its lonely but that's just how life is.

5:15pm: Remember a time...
Ever since I was little, around 3rd grade or so… I had carried my house keys with me where ever I go. My mom had always been working for as long as I can remember. My brother, whether we always get along or not… have lived with each other.

I have always been proud of her.

Just like me she is the type of person that does not allow failure and does not allow life to take control. We clash against waves, we always challenge ourselves… Not allowing ourselves to fit into a mold.

After moving to the United States, my brother and I spent our first 10 months living with a good friend of my dad. Parents were both overseas and only able to visit every 3-4 months.

Finally at one point my mom came and moved with us to New Jersey. In the same way though, she had to work in New York City. Even though it’s not all that far, but we still come home to a house that’s been vacant for the whole day.

Los Angeles, California, 4 years later, we have a great place that we still live in. But mom got transferred to San Francisco after a year or 2. Once again she was away from us. And now she works overseas once again.

We have grown with parents not being around often. But I have never thought I was raised by anyone else but mom and dad. I have never regretted it. I have always understood that we’re not like any other children. I have never blamed mom, and there’s no reason to. We’ve learn to be independent, we are well off, and we are happy.

The last thing I want in the world is for her to blame herself. And I know a lot of times she does.

I always talked about how I loved to watch my big aunt in the kitchen cooking. But I have never said how much I loved watching and working with mom in the kitchen trying out new things, baking cookies, marinating meat, making salads and such…

I have always talked about how if I missed the school bus in New Jersey… it was pretty much a stay home day because mom cant come back from work to pick me up. But I have never said how surprising and sweet it is to come home every once in a while to see mom sitting at the kitchen table reading because she took the day off.

I have always talked about how we have to cook for ourselves and push ourselves to go to school. But I have never said how much I look forward to mom driving home that I would stay up till late hours of the night watching tv and movies until I hear her car pull up.

I miss her. Though I never say that either…

9:59pm: Felt like a dream
650 miles north
9 and a half hours later
125 songs played

there

i think i missed her more when i was there and wasnt able to go in
than i do when i am 600+ miles away
i think a phone call saved me yesterday
it changed a bad trip to a wonderful one

i'm sure things could have gone better
i'm sure there were many other things that i could have done
i'm sure there could have been more time
but after all...

it was worth it

1:25am: X
My video Project~ Enjoy!

It's in REal Player Codec

http://download.yousendit.com/AD0B83BF2DF37BA7

11:25pm: I haven't written poems in a while...
~*Awaken*~
I lost my direction
Falling to abyss
Like a dandelion
Flying in the mist

Why do I drift
To heart broken seas
Where waves after waves
Sadness repeats

Fell in love with rainy days
To stand closer to you
Fell in love with quiet nights
To think about you too
Fell in love with sheets
Warmed by the morning sun
Fell in love with the feeling
That I no longer have to run

Loving you made poetry
Words that move, words that please
Soon as I hear your laughter
A song is complete
_____________________________________________________________________

~*Dream*~
I saw you
I saw clouds
I saw the sun
I saw the world tell me a story
…
Just because they left it doesn’t mean
Everything is gone, you can still dream
Let go of your sadness
After the wind passes
Rainbows will then appear
From spots where you shed your tears
Somewhere out there, past the rain
Is a place for you to fly once again

7:29pm: Believe
After 3 years or so...
It ended
"With the hard struggles in the beginning to be together, we thought we could go very far..."
I think we have gone very far, given the circumstances dealt...

I cant help but feel disappointed
I cant help but feel sad
I cant help but feel that time has been wasted
but most importantly...
I cant help but feel guilty about feeling......relieved

It's over, yet its not
Nothing is erased, nothing forgotten
Just a goodbye, and cheer for how far we have gotten

7:10am: Natural
It took some time to notice,
That the innocence that we once know,
The kid that use to water the lawn in cold winter days
Hoping that the cloud would take in the water
And bring him snow
That innocence that celebrated
And gave himself some credit for the white sheets of beauty
The innocence that woke
The neighborhood with his cheers
That innocence that faded
As he got older...

21 years old, i thought to myself how mature i've actually become.
Not at all, but... lost that innocence
Paid with it... got nothing in return

...............

I think i found a little bit back in the past week ^^

Finals Day - Act 2 - Take 2

8:16pm: cheers
i have been bombarded with projects lately. And being stuck in traffic for 2-3 hours a day makes me think about how much time i'm wasting. It also makes me wonder why there are just so many cars in california. I need to get away.

For some reason, it seem that every group i join i tend to get recognized quickly, and establish enough relationship that i end up be in some sort of leading position. not too sure if i'd be up to all the tasks but... i feel honored to be considered capable.

15 more days

4:08pm: People are beautiful
Generous and Caring: thanks maddie and will chen
Care free and cheerful: thanks jeff
Concerned but unable to find words to say: thanks joy and deborah
Inspirational: thanks jeremy

though all these things made me feel worse about myself at the moment...

i do thank you from the bottom of my heart.

4:02pm: Knowing
It's weird how i feel bad for strangers... Just today i was in subway and a lady in front of me asked for a loaf of 6-inch bread along with her order of a sandwich. They charged her $2.65 for that bread! i remember being so angry at the ridculous price almost dropping my order completely.

I have been sad, upset, lost... for how long i do not know...
i havent updated this journal, not for the usual reasons of being lazy or having nothing exciting to talk about, but for shame...
i didnt like myself... i dont like myself, and how other people look at me

i think i almost indulge myself in online gaming because no one in there can really SEE me...
i was sad and feeling hopeless...

UNTIL TODAY
i received a text message from a friend whom i miss ever so dearly...
and i have a goal, which brings confidence back into my life... it's time to go back

it's go time



P.S. I miss having my friends making fun of me...

12:36pm: found
Over the weekend i've become numb to...

2nd hand smoke

dizzing lights

the exchange of money

emotional people

you know where is spent my christmas?

how about...

buffets?

id checks????

slot machine?????????

oh shut up

12:47am: In progress
Time Paradox Video Treatment
Director: Rock Chang
11/28/05

This short is about Jeff’s day and how it would turn out depending on the choice he makes at one point. It starts out with Jeff at home sleeping and the alarm clock goes off. He turns it off and as soon as he hits the off button, the screen morphs into 2 split screens. The one on the left will show him still sleeping, the one on the right will show him starting to get up and getting dressed and what not. The idle screen will be darker (at this point is Jeff still asleep) while the screen with more movement will be well lit, perhaps bathroom lights or kitchen lights. Awake Jeff will prepare everything and start walking out the door. It is nearly dawn outside as he sits down on the bench waiting for a bus.

Now the right screen becomes the idle one, and Sleepy Jeff wakes up and turns on the light. (which directs the attention to the left screen.) Meanwhile, Awake Jeff sits on a bench that is dark and he barely has any movements, perhaps checking his watch every once in a while. Sleepy Jeff goes through the exact same routines as Awake Jeff does but he puts on a different color outfit, a brighter one, and rushes through the other routines at a faster pace. His breakfast hangs on his mouth as he runs out the door.

The tricky part of this coming scene is that both Jeff’s though left at different times, will catch the same exact bus. There will be a close up of the bus to show its number and destination so we acknowledge that it is the same one. We’re going to play a lot with the angles at which things are seen. One I have in mind is the bus approaching Awake Jeff as he gets up from the bench, and Sleepy Jeff will see the bus come and start running toward it and barely make it on. Different things are going to play out from sitting down in the bus, getting off the bus, getting to school from the bus stop, inside of the class room, and finally the climax where one of the Jeffs get to meet the girl.

The most important thing to look out for is the movements that guide the attention of the audience in this video. The use of two screens can be a disaster is they do not know where to look. The control of light in the shots are very crucial due to the fact that light is one of the guiding tools being used. This is mainly an entertaining video where it kind of pokes fun at the people who are punctual.




TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK FOLKS!!!! Oh ya.... i havent told Jeff that he's the star of my film yet.......... O_o

12:29am: enlightened
I never knew that my dad liked little babies.
I guess that's who i got it from

XD

7:29am: belated
this entry is 3 days late~
but

i just turned 21

XD

8:53pm: sibling differences
in our house, there's an isolated room...
in this house
there's his computer, his laptop, his DVDs, his posters, his knives, his pots... you get the drift

in our house there's plenty of things in the living room, and the back room...
there's my computer... excuse me, OUR computer, OUR comic books, OUR xbox, OUR playstation,
OUR halo 2, OUR Friends season 1-9, OUR games, OUR movies... you get the drift

i realized that he had the car for 1 year, and i barely got to drive it for the first time 2 weeks ago... and only because he drank.
i realized that he drove the new car, my car to 7/11 the day that we brought it home, and i have yet to drive the damn thing...
i realized that i spent hundreds of dollars and tens of hours to obtain these comic books, from used book stores, friends going taiwan, etc... and he finishes reading them faster than i do.
i realized that, the boys, my friends from high school, are now our friends... no problem with that but
i realized that i dont know anybody from UC Riverside, or Pasadena School of Culinary Arts.
i realized that the boys come over and browse on my computer freely, changing my background and homepage what not... no problems
i realized that they ask for permission to touch his keyboard... and i realized that he often says no.
Figure of speech... or not.

all of the sudden though, things that are taking up space in the garage are MY stuff, including the final fantasy vii game HE asked me to buy. including the PSX that he did too spend countless hours on. Oh but oh no, those are mine.

in my house there's an isolated room...
my room has a bed and my clothes...
in his room... i dont even know, it's uncharted territory for most of us. Think there's a password on that computer of his too.


you know what i want for my birthday?
something that's his...